How to be alone...

I'm usually ok with being alone.

But most recently, it leaves me in puddles on the bed.

This brought a little sunshine into my day.

I hope it does the same for you.

It's truth.

I am choosing to believe what I believe.

That embracing the beauty in every moment is freedom.

Rather than seeking desperately for meaning in company.

How To Be Alone

i have become a woman.

so....guess what i'm doing right....now.

waiting approximately five minutes before i need to stir the granola that is baking in the convention oven. and waiting thirty minutes until i can check whether the loaf of bread is done in the oven. needless to say....our house smells AMAZING and it's hella hot in here!

i never thought that on my day off i'd be so eager to bake/cook! but i found some sweet recipes and i've really enjoyed watching andy try them! a few nights ago we made a zucchinni onion pizza! it was so good! i got to exercise my desire to cook and eat healthy, and andy got to flex his awesome pizza making skills, (which resulted in the entire kitchen being covered in a layer of flour)

here's a lil' recipe for that pizza....

fill your grocery cart with:

-1 zucchinni

-1 red onion

-1 batch of pizza dough

-3/4 c cream cheese

-3/4 c parmesan

-olive oil

-1 clove garlic

-any seasonings you want, such as dill, garlic salt, pepper.....

in the kitchen:

-mix cream cheese with herbs and diced garlic

-preheat oven to 400

-spread dough onto pan

-spread cream cheese on that dough :)

-slice onion and zucchini

-sprinkle on parmesan and then arrange the veggies

-brush with olive oil

-bake for 20ish minutes

YUM! it's so good. it might not be all that healthy, but who eats zucchini on a normal basis? we felt pretty satisfied :) oh! and if you like meat, add a little ham on top too, it's so good!

over and out.

ups and downs.

Today was quite a day...

I went to bed without andy last night, which is among my least favorite things to do. But i like to scatter notes around the house to keep him company as if i were there :) he came home late, and i woke up early to go to work...i got off early, which was so nice, and then met up with andy a lil' while later....then things got rocky. i'm convinced it's the tough conversations that will grow us closer and closer together, and for this i am thankful. it gives them a purpose i suppose.

then he went off to work! lamezor.

but i can't describe how blessed i am for the time i spent with a dear friend. we just decompressed and shared our guts. this is such a hard thing for me to do....to let down my guard and say what's on my mind and heart. most of the time i think i get very political, and only say what i am expected to say. but with her, i can just be honest.

so we talked...laughed...and dreamed. this is my favorite thing to do. or favourite. we talked about all the places we'd be willing to move...it had to be hot in the summers, snowy in the winters, big storm season, no humidity, and have tons of lightning bugs for catching.

this convo just sparked my imagination for what our future could look like. bah! i want to have a farm, pollinated by our very own bee hive....i want to live with or amongst people...i want to live for so much more than my own happiness...

most of all, i'm so glad that no matter what i get to experience and enjoy it all with my one partner in crime. that no matter what tough conversations we have, we will always be in it together. thank you jesus.

too much fun thursday.

Oh. my. so yesterday we had our first and only day off together this week! i geeked out a lil bit, and made a wee agenda for the day!

First, we booked our tickets for illinois! I am so excited for the opportunity to meet all of the winholds. it was something we have dreamed of doing in the future, but we never expected it to happen so soon! andy's parents are blessing us with tickets and we get to stay for almost a week! so we leave at midnight, yes i said midnight, and we arrive in st. louis at nine in the morning before meeting the parents at 10pm. so we get all day to adventure around st. louis....we're stewing so many ideas...i am. so. excited.

Then, we biked down to sweet pea cafe on 12th and stark. it's a cute cute cute vegan bakery that serves delicious food and stumptown coffee....andy had a bagel with cream cheese and i had a bagel with vegetable schmear? it was AMAZING! i have never been one for bagels, but i ate the whole thing without a second thought. even andy noticed!

And then, get this...we went to sauvie's island! this is something we've wanted to do ever since we've moved here! so equipped with nothing, we just set out for the mysterious island. after having to cross the scariest bridge of my life, we arrived to a nearly empty farm. but this baby was HUGE! we grabbed a lil' wagon and set out for some yummy berries! a few things i learned about andy on this adventure...

1. he loves raspberries! i had no idea! i was starting to get sick of all the thorns and branches that were set to scratch me, but andy was like a lil' slave driver! he wanted SOOOO many raspberries :) it was so awesome! he just wanted to keep pushing to get as many as he could! (note to self: coho raspberries are where it's at, these guys were SO tasty)

2. he prefers the small baby blueberries to the appropriately ripe ones. he claims healthy blueberries don't taste like anything...while the almost green ones are tangy!

3. he throws raspberries. so watch out and don't wear a white shirt.

so we picked blueberries, raspberries, peaches, and pickling cucumbers all for only ten dollars! it stole my breath away! this place is so rad, and should be a frequent to-do.

oh...i have to mention a conversation i overhead while picking blueberries...it made me so excited...

daughter: dad, look at how many blueberries i can fit in my hand.

dad: wow, that's a lot!

daughter: yeah! especially with how little my hands are!

dad: yes. you do have little hands....but how many have you eaten?

daughter: i've only eaten 2! but look how many i can hold!

so...it made my heart skip a beat! it was so precious. i loved getting to eavesdrop in all of these peoples lives, disguised by a row of blueberry trees.

next, we set out to find the beach...which we got bored of looking for after ten minutes. but andy said illinois is prettier anyways. :)

then we bought groceries to make a mexican casserole and pie! andy made a KILLER mexican cheesy dish as i made a sweet pie from our pickings!

it was so beautiful. then we watched dexter and acted like lil' kids the rest of the night.

i love him.

ok. giving this a shot.

I can't begin to describe how encouraged I have been by reading the blogs of friends and friends of friends. I feel like I've been in the thick of emotional muck, and I haven't been able to express or explain these feelings to anyone...but reading the stories of ladies that have recently gotten married has been so much fun for me! It's made me slow down a bit, and savor the delicacies of this season.

So, I thought maybe creating a lil' blog of my own would make me slow down and truly enjoy life's blessings...because, in all honesty, this is such a beautiful season.

Andy and I have been married for almost two months now. I can't believe it! It has been SO much fun, and SO much different than I expected! I always thought we were the exception to everything, but I think no one is safe from the difficulties of being newlyweds :) the differences between men and women are inescapable! It's so funny to me.

But, I have to say, the challenges have made me love Andy so much more. I have never been more vulnerable with anyone than I am with him. And he is equally vulnerable with me. It is so beautiful.

And the fun stuff about being married is impossible to count. I don't have enough fingers or toes to list them all out. But hey....I'll give it a lil' shot:

-waking up for work to fresh coffee and pancakes. I've never gone to work with such a full belly!

-making yummy dinners and leaving dishes for the next day!

-biking home so fast knowing andy is home

-waking up to resume spooning and falling asleep again

-reading with our handy headlamps (thank you so much todd and colleen) before falling asleep

-going on walks

-walking down the block to have a picnic in colonel sumner park

-staying up late into the night just to get to hear andy's keys in the door

-doing laundry and folding someone else's clothes :)

blah blah blah......i could go on forever.